Alpha Male / Female Parenting

Although I am not prepared to look for scientific evidence for an 'alpha male' model of behaviour, i do find it a useful way of thinking. We know the wolf pack is a well organized social system and that in includes an alpha male and a leadership female.

Dogs respond in the same way to this kind of leadership of the social system. Cats could care less but may also have some theory about where they fit in the family social system. Many assume cats believe they are the king and queen and deserving of highest praise on that basis, however, I am off my topic. :-)

I am most interested in this model in terms of the operation of the family and the raising of children. Let us assume that children are wired to fit into a social system where there is an identified 'alpha male' and 'alpha female.' (We call those positions in the family 'father' and 'mother.')

If you study under a real expert dog trainer you will learn that there are social signals that say to a dog who is the alpha male and female and who is not. Not knowing the signals it is easy to give your dog the wrong impression as to who is boss. It is worth studying.

Now on to humans and families and children. Can we give children the wrong signals? Can children get the wrong signals as to who is boss. Absolutely!

Parents with the best of intentions, trying to be kind, setting up a 'child-centered' house to minimize have to say "No!' will give all kinds of confusing signals to children. Naturally the result is a child in the family who does not know strongly and clearly who is boss. Have you not seen it?

The child does not learn to submit or (respect) authority. This leads easily and naturally to a problem we call 'entitlement' which basically means you think you are royalty. (Just like the cat! Oops!)

Will such a child find it easy to learn in school? School learning requires listening to a teacher. Right? Let me tell you that listening to a teacher involves submission. So a child trained to be boss does not easily submit and does not easily learn from a teacher and (warning - this will sound politically incorrect) will, therefore, display 'attention deficit disorder.'

Imagine this child in the workplace. They believe they are boss, don't listen well and resist authority. Of course they want to be 'entrepreneurs' because they do not want to submit to anyone else or take orders. That, perhaps, is the bright side to this disaster in parenting skills.